Ms Goh of Sofia Wellness Clinic said that distancing oneself from a sibling can affect the entire family dynamic, and strategies to manage conflict and set boundaries may not always be enough in these complex situations.
“I recommend additional strategies, such as minimising direct contact with the sibling while still attending family events, and maintaining a neutral stance.
“For example, consider holding family gatherings at public or neutral locations instead of having one family member host, which could already be a source of conflict or tension.”
RECOGNISING THAT SIBLINGS ARE DIFFERENT PEOPLE
For strained relationships, Ms Singh stressed that reconciliation is possible only when both parties are willing to build trust.
She explained that unlike friendships or romantic relationships, sibling bonds are deeply rooted in shared history and a sense of familial obligation. Therefore, even when the relationship is challenging, the emotional connection and the longstanding history make it more complex to simply walk away.
“In contrast, friends and romantic partners are chosen relationships. This selection process allows us to find people with whom we connect easily and who don’t come with the same emotional baggage.”
Societal expectations further complicate the issue. Ms Singh explained that within families, siblings are often expected to be lifelong supporters of one another, with an emphasis on preserving family ties.
“The decision becomes even harder when caregiving duties are involved and siblings have to work together to take care of their parents.”
Ms Loo of Promises Healthcare, which provides psychiatric and psychological services, said that ultimately, if repeated patterns or toxic behaviour persist despite reconciliation efforts, it may be necessary to distance yourself to ensure your emotional health.
“Before deciding to distance yourself, it’s important to reflect on whether you’re acting too quickly,” she added. “Is this something you tend to do often in other areas of your life? Has distancing yourself become your go-to coping mechanism instead of confronting the issue?”
If, indeed, the decision must be made, Ms Loo recommended informing your sibling that, despite efforts to resolve the issues, taking a break is necessary to allow both parties to reflect on the situation.
Distancing yourself or cutting ties with a sibling may leave you with some regret, but Ms Singh said that doing so doesn’t make you a bad person.
“We often forget that we can’t parent our siblings. Everyone is an adult. While we can offer care, we can’t control their actions. They must take responsibility, too, and do their part.
“At the end of the day, we all have the right to choose who we allow into our lives.”
