On social media, seldom does the mundane get reflected, much less the unpleasant and disagreeable. If we take what we see there as whole, complete representations of love and dating, our understanding of relationships can become warped, airbrushed and unrealistic.
Our own beliefs and priorities morph into what we think we should want or value, instead of what we actually want or value – “This is what my partner should do to make me feel special”, or “These are the kinds of places my partner should take me on dates”.
In a digital age where our online presence is increasingly staged and performed for a virtual audience, perhaps the solution is to look deeper inward and evaluate what truly matters to us.
STOP AIMING FOR PERFECTION
Just a few decades ago, our romantic partners were confined to a small pool of acquaintances from the physical spaces we occupy: School, work, our neighbourhoods, and so on.
Today, online dating platforms such as apps have expanded our range of options exponentially. We now have the ability to swipe through hundreds of profiles in one sitting – people we wouldn’t have crossed paths with otherwise. They don’t even have to be in the same city or country.
Optionality is enticing – but it also presents the illusion that there is always someone better “out there”. As a result, we become less willing to compromise and commit.
Another friend, who has been in several relationships over the past few years, shares that the guys she meets always seem to be lacking in one aspect or another: “There’s always something that misses the mark – a personality trait that feels like a mismatch, or a minor character flaw I can’t get past.”
This is echoed by many others in our generation: We are no longer as accepting of inadequacies in our potential partners, and our willingness to persevere and work through conflicts with our partners dwindles.
Rather than riding out the storm together, it’s far easier to end the relationship and go in search of the “next best thing” on the horizon.
However, relationships are meant to be worked through, not arrived at. Couplehood is a negotiation of give and take, of generosity and compromise.
Nobody is perfect, and no one can ever be completely satisfied. Instead of seeking perfection with a “get it right the first time” mentality, what if we acquired a “work things out as we go along” mentality instead?
