Denise (not her real name) married her teenage sweetheart seven years ago. She admitted that the two of them “always compete somehow” in terms of the positions they have at work, how much they are earning and where they are in their careers.
“We don’t argue about this rivalry but I can feel that my husband is somehow trying to ‘compete’ with me,” said the 36-year-old digital marketer-entrepreneur. “I’m not sure if it’s because we have always been together … he always tries to go above and beyond what I accomplish in my career.”
After having her first child four years ago, JK (who only wanted to be known by her initials), took a step back in her career.
She gave up promotion opportunities because she felt that she’d have a heavier workload, which would mean she would have less time with her daughter. Her husband, whom she has been married to for eight years now, is around mostly on the weekends.
“While my husband was progressing in his career and took on better opportunities, it made me feel very frustrated as I’m a career-driven person,” said the 36-year-old who works in human resources.
“I thought that when we had kids, we would share parenting duties but, somehow, it still falls on me till today.
“He has told me that he feels jealous at times as our kids choose me over him for anything but the only advice I give him is to be home with them before they go to bed,” added the mum of two girls.
Competing in your careers or for your children’s affection is not uncommon in marriage. Theresa Pong, founder and counselling director at The Relationship Room, revealed that competition in relationships is natural because both partners want to feel seen, valued and appreciated for what they bring to the relationship.
