One can also glean information to develop a rough psychological profile of a new acquaintance that informs possible topics of interest, wants, and needs.
What relevance might I have to them? Do they mean to use me or do me harm?
Do they have children? What do they do in their spare time?
Where have they travelled, and what do they think of the places they’ve travelled to? Are they generally conservative in their outlook, or do they lean progressive?
And if you’re a woman on a date with a man – you might be looking for clues to help you guess the answer to the vital question “Is he going to hurt me?”
How deep of a conversation, connection, or relationship could you possibly hope to build without any of that knowledge first paving the way?
THE HIDDEN SECONDARY FUNCTIONALITY OF SMALL TALK
The discrete aspects of small talk may not appear to be functional in a strict sense. After all, why should you need to know anything about a sales prospect or professional connection other than what you share business-wise?
The answer, of course, is trust.
Trust is a fragile resource that is painstakingly built and easily destroyed – an intangible currency that we cannot do anything without.
No one will recommend you for a job, promote you, buy from you, or speak up on your behalf and in your interest if they do not trust you.
Small talk, and by extension, conversation, is by no means the only way to build trust, but your ability to consistently demonstrate genuine interest in others and remember what they’ve told you goes a long way in establishing familiarity and a solid track record of trustworthiness.
The foundation is laid brick by brick. The more people trust you, the more they are willing to divulge their sensitive points of view or stories about their lives. More information makes you a better mediator, negotiator and leader.
Mediating a conflict without at least knowing the most significant triggers for either party would be a futile exercise.
Negotiating without understanding what people want and what they are willing to give up is self-defeating.
Attempting to motivate someone who works for you without knowing what is important to them might result in you throwing lots of money in the wrong direction.
