HER IVF STRUGGLES – AND PAIN
I won’t deny it – there were times during the IVF process when I felt angry, even resentful. Why am I putting myself through all this, and to what end? The countless doctors’ appointments plus the seemingly endless waiting that comes with each visit, the injections, the bloating, the weight gain, the painful surgeries and the difficult recoveries.
I also remember my husband and I getting into a big argument. I had put off some IVF treatments to go on a short trip with some colleagues from work.
It was rare that we could get vacation leave at the same time, so I decided to make that my priority. He was unhappy about this choice I made, but didn’t voice it till sometime after I came back from the trip.
We’ve since reconciled, of course, but at the time, I did feel judged for ‘not trying hard enough’, for not manifesting my desire to be a mother hard enough.
The truth is, we didn’t have the strength and willingness to try every day. Every setback, every failure, ate into me, quietly chipping away at whatever resolve I had left.
