After entrepreneur Bertram Yang posted on his social media accounts that he had sold off the shares of his digital advertising firm, he started receiving messages from friends whom he had not talked to for years.
“These were National Service buddies and secondary school friends in particular,” the 36-year-old said. “The conversations started cordially, but after a few texts, they would say, ‘Bro, actually I’m in need of some money’.
“They asked for small amounts at first, so I would just transfer it. Then after that, it escalated. Some said they had a family emergency and asked for a few hundred dollars.”
He lent one of them S$220 and received S$150 back after reminding the friend several times. For the rest, they ghosted Mr Yang and he decided not to chase them for the sake of his own sanity, he added.
So what should you do if someone asked to borrow money from you, saying that it was urgent?
Counsellors said that choosing to lend money is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration of potential outcomes.
Friends or family members might ask for money due to a variety of reasons, including unexpected medical expenses, job losses, investment opportunities or to fund unhealthy addictions, the counsellors added.
Ms Tan Huey Min, general manager of Credit Counselling Singapore, said: “If the person wants money for urgent medical needs and if you have the money to spare, of course, you may want to help. But if the person says, ‘I want to pay my credit card bills’, then I think you should try to find out more.”
Credit Counselling Singapore is a non-profit social service agency and the only organisation recognised by the Association of Banks in Singapore for its role in helping debt-distressed individuals through counselling, education and other programmes where suitable.
Psychotherapist Lilian Lee-Cutts from private clinic Counselling Perspective said that asking loved ones for money is a convenient way for borrowers to get the money they need while avoiding high interest rates from bank loans.
Mr Michael Chin, a freelance mental health counsellor, said: “Money is a sensitive topic that often causes strain in interpersonal relationships, especially when a borrower is unable to repay a loan on the agreed timeline. In these situations, it could put you in a difficult position and cause emotional distress.”
To lessen such distress, it may help to think of what it is like from the borrower’s perspective.
If the person wants to borrow money because he has lost his job, has overdue bills and no savings, then it is logical to conclude that he would not be able to repay you in the short term until he finds a job and has had time to amass some savings.
Ms Tan said: “The person is in no position to pay you back – not that he doesn’t want to, but he just cannot do so.
“Then, there are the borrowers in the other group, those who have no intention to pay you back at all. Even family and friends can ‘vanish’ or ghost you. Or even die before they repay you, if they have serious health problems and need to borrow money for medical bills.”
For Mr Yang, he decided that it was not worth the stress and posted an Instagram Story stating that he would not entertain future requests for money. “I try to be more emotionally detached now,” he said.
He also blocked on messaging channel WhatsApp the friends who did not return the money they owed him, and he has chastised himself for being too “dumb and trusting”.
