24/7 LIFE AROUND DEATH
While Ms Tee sets aside time for her family every week and tries to tuck her child into bed, she does have to sacrifice family time for work.
She is alert for phone calls as Harmony Funeral Care’s hotline is her mobile phone number. For years, Ms Tee always answers her phone within three rings. When she’s busy, an employee helps man the hotline – and answers at the same speed.
I was taken aback when she picked up my call before the first ring in hopes of scheduling an interview, accustomed to people taking a little longer to pick up a call.
“People want someone who cares to help send off a loved one. And showing that you care is being available around the clock, and as quickly as possible,” she explained.
However, this has taken a toll on her social life, as she sacrifices time with family and friends for funerals. Even if she can meet them, she might have to run off midway should she receive work calls.
Work also poses its challenges.
“Sometimes the family also have different opinions about the funeral send off. I don’t get involved and always warn that this is something they have to settle on their own,” she said. “All I can do is advise.”
Since the mix-up, she has set additional standard operating procedures to ensure it does not happen again. This includes asking family members to write on plastic tags placed on their family member’s wrists and ankles and sending pictures of the body being collected as part of the verification process.
She said standard operating procedures for funeral rites is rare in the industry. She recalled having to jot down notes on how to set up funerals for different religions and having to learn from observation. Most industry practitioners have their own way of going about things and learn from observation, she told me.
“Nowadays, death isn’t that scary, and we receive quite a number of people looking to try their hand working in this industry,” she said. “But there’s no proper guide or information on what its like entering the funeral space.”
This is why Ms Tee decided to write a book detailing her experiences handling funerals of different age groups, insights into the industry and about overcoming her mistakes and challenges.
She also details some of the hardest funerals she has had to arrange for, such as for children and for suicide cases.
“The book is really to educate the public, to let the public know and be aware that such funerals happen and everyone is struggling, so let’s just be a bit kinder,” she said.
The self-published book, titled Echoes of Farewell, will be launched on Dec 7.
Perhaps it could make for a good guide for her son if he wishes to join his parents in the funeral industry in a couple of decades. But while Ms Tee said that she would support him, she prefaced she is also open to him chasing other careers and interests.
“He’s his own human being after all, he should choose what he wants to pursue,” she said.
As we spoke about the taboos around death, I bluntly asked if she had wondered or planned for her own funeral. Ms Tee laughed, and said she definitely has.
“When you’re surrounded by death, and you help people prepare for their own funeral, you can’t help but think about your own,” she said.
“I want something simple. Nothing extravagant. Just cremate me and move on. Because I rather live in the moment and to the fullest – and have already spent all my time with my loved ones.”
WHERE TO GET HELP
Samaritans of Singapore Hotline: 1767
Institute of Mental Health’s Helpline: 6389 2222
Singapore Association for Mental Health Helpline: 1800 283 7019
You may also find a list of international helplines here. If someone you know is at immediate risk, call 24-hour emergency medical services.
