She also encouraged parents to shift away from the mindset that they have to stop a tantrum as quickly as possible.
“When the child is screaming, there is no way you can talk any sense into her. If you try to scream on top of her screams, both of you will end up screaming at each other.
“Instead, sit on one side and just tell her, ‘I’m here and when you’re ready to talk to me, you can come to me’. Then, wait it out.
“If you wait it out, the tantrum will end very quickly… If you really time a child’s tantrum, it is only five to 10 minutes. After that, they will go from screaming to just sobbing. That is when you can step in, talk to them about it and calm them down,” she said.
GOING THE DISTANCE
Since tantrums are a natural part of a child’s development, do not expect positive parenting to decrease the frequency of tantrums. What it will do is help parents and children enjoy the journey together more, said Xie.
“How would you be able to enjoy parenthood to its maximum potential if every other day, you are screaming at your child, spanking your child or caught in a power struggle with your children?” she asked.
While parents brought up with more authoritative parenting styles may be more resistant to adopting positive parenting for their children, Xie encouraged them to think long-term.
“A lot of these hard approaches have an instant short-term effect that will not work on older children. And that is when you will feel a disconnect from the child,” she said.
That is what helped Xie stick to positive parenting. “If you do not take time and effort to coach, guide them, or to listen to their side of the story, you cannot expect them to come to you with their problems when they are 16 or 17.
“At the end of the day, I do not want my teenage children to withdraw from me, or to not tell me things,” Xie said.
