In fact, Payne himself knew a thing or two about the struggle, and it’s his visible constant inner conflict that I found most relatable. Of all things to have in common with a former One Direction member, we were diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) in adulthood.
The term ADHD is, for those with the inborn neurodevelopmental condition, a misnomer. In many of our experiences, it’s fundamentally an inability to regulate oneself in all aspects – attention, interest, thoughts, emotions, behaviours – that creates a disordered life.
Many of us also find life transitions, no matter good or bad, an overwhelming challenge. And leaving one of the biggest boybands in the world then trying to establish a solo career, while learning to accept that one may never again come remotely close to a similar success, is as monumental a change as it gets.
When I listened to Payne’s 2021 interview on The Diary Of A CEO podcast, I heard a man struggling with regulating himself and life’s extreme highs and lows that came as a result.
He was achingly candid and self-aware on a range of topics, from the trappings of achieving early success in life to his inability to be alone. His answers painted a picture of someone in the depths of self-loathing who’d occasionally glimpsed self-acceptance only to have it slip away time and again.
Above all, he sounded like a prisoner of his own demons, whose only escape from his mind was often to fight – himself and others. And while I might disagree with his methods, I wish I could say I didn’t understand the exact place they stemmed from.
