I’m not advocating that everyone should attempt to repair broken relationships with estranged family members simply out of fear of impending or untimely death, or because it is the “socially acceptable” or “expected” thing to do.
Not every relationship can be fixed. Maybe not every relationship should be fixed, either.
My father and I didn’t “fix” our relationship – but I thought this was the best possible outcome for both of us.
LIFE
One year on, I’m still in the difficult process of making peace with the past.
The simple things seem to help most: Journalling, reaching out to friends and going for exercise classes and mindfulness exercises such as meditation.
I now understand that grief takes on many forms. It works differently in the absence of love. It’s not always about the pain of separation – sometimes it’s about the ache for what never was and never will be.
There are still days when grief comes in waves, sometimes with no clear triggers. Even something as mundane as watching a movie can trigger painful flashbacks – as it did with The Garfield Movie that was recently released, of all things.
But I’ve learnt that it does no good to stamp down on those feelings or pretend that they don’t exist.
All the same, navigating grief doesn’t have to mean reconciliation or resolution. Sometimes, it’s just about accepting what cannot be changed and finding the strength to go on with life.
Ivan Ho, 35, is a human resource practitioner by day and an aspiring writer by night.
If you have an experience to share or know someone who wishes to contribute to this series, write to voices [at] mediacorp.com.sg with your full name, address and phone number.
