WORKING THROUGH GUILT AND GRIEF
A few months before my mum died, we learnt that the cancer had spread beyond hope of recovery. I could not look my mother in the face and truthfully tell her she would soon be well again.
This was undoubtedly the hardest part of this whole ordeal: The guilt.
I felt guilty for being busy and not being there as much as I wanted to be. I felt guilty for not knowing how to help her beyond visiting her at the hospital and taking her to the park so she could practise walking.
I felt guilty for not doing “enough”.
I spent hours looking for wheelchair-friendly activities we could do together, of which there were surprisingly plenty in Singapore. For instance, we took a memorable trip to Gardens by the Bay, spending time appreciating the plethora of flora and fauna there.
It did boost our moods and mental health at the time.
Soon after, though, my mother was just not in the mood to go outside anymore. She often did not feel well physically and preferred to rest.
All the same, I felt bad for not taking her out, for being unable to help.
I never spoke of it to my mother, though. I didn’t want to add to her burden.
