Recently, a friend of mine sold her matrimonial home of five years. During our conversation, she confessed that saying goodbye to the house was harder than she’d expected. She teared up recounting the times spent in the home that had seen her and her husband welcoming their bundle of joy, and all the milestones in their child’s first few years of life.
She knew it was time for them to move to a bigger place. Still, it takes courage to move on and let something new take root.
WHEN “GOODBYE” HURTS
Some goodbyes come with pain, loss and grief.
My dad lost my mother many years ago to cancer; and I lost him when he too died two years ago. Bidding Dad goodbye was probably the hardest farewell I’ve ever said.
My grandmother – my dad’s mum – told me many years ago: “There’s nothing scary about death. You say bye-bye to everyone you love and go where you need to go next.” She is now 92 years old, and has outlived her husband and two sons – my grandpa, my uncle and, most recently, my father.
During my father’s funeral, I’ll never forget the sight of my grandmother bursting into tears when she saw his portrait placed in the middle of the altar. She wept and said: “How can you just leave me alone and go off first?”
She’d been “prepared” to say goodbye – but even rational understanding couldn’t really protect her from the full hurt of a painful goodbye.
She’s mostly bed-ridden now, and is sometimes unable to remember or recognise me as her granddaughter. Still, I always make sure to show up in her room whenever I visit for weekly family dinners to greet her: “Ah Ma, I am Ah Bi. I’m here.”
Sometimes she remembers me; sometimes she doesn’t. Sometimes she reaches for my hand; sometimes she is unresponsive. Occasionally, she asks, “Why you never tell me you’re coming? I could’ve asked the helper to cook more dishes” – forgetting that Sunday dinners are a weekly standing affair for our family.
Now, in her twilight years, I often remind myself to cherish and appreciate each moment with her a little more – because as clichéd as it sounds, we really do not know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
