HOW TO SUPPORT SOMEONE WHO IS IN EMOTIONAL PAIN
If we do find out that a friend or colleague is facing emotional turmoil, what should we do?
As a first step, being “present” while showing empathy and compassion can go a long way, the experts said.
Some practical ways to do this include making regular check-ins with the person, offering a non-judgemental listening ear and validating their feelings, Ms Morton said.
“Acknowledge their emotions and let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, without trying to ‘fix’ the situation,” she added.
Offering practical help may also go some way towards taking the burden off a friend or colleague in one area of their lives, to allow them to “show up” more fully in other aspects.
While we cannot replace their positions as a parent to their child at home, for example, we can assist with simple daily tasks and running errands such as grocery shopping for them, preparing meals or helping to walk their dog.
And while everyone processes emotions over different time spans, Ms Morton said that it could be problematic if people find themselves compartmentalising continually for weeks or months without addressing the underlying issues.
In such instances, and especially if they are starting to struggle with normal daily functioning, it would definitely be time for an observer to step in and offer help, she added.
For example, you may do so by sharing your own experience and how you overcame it, which may encourage those around us to normalise what they are going through and to open up about their own feelings.
“Respect their boundaries. Let them move at their own pace and give a helping nudge in the right direction, but don’t push them to do what they don’t feel comfortable doing (or sharing),” Ms Morton added.
The wrong approach? Offering unsolicited advice or comparing your experience to others. Ms Rachel Cheng, a professional counsellor at Talk Your Heart Out, said that this can be invalidating.
Agreeing, Ms Ching her colleague said: “Avoid unhelpful comments such as, ‘Time will heal’, ‘Never mind, you can get another pet’, or ‘It’s okay, move on’.”
And if the person you are supporting appears to be dealing with deep emotional distress that you feel incapable of handling, perhaps point them to professional help or even accompany them to see a therapist if necessary.
Workplaces might do well to incorporate more flexible practices to better accommodate employees facing emotional challenges, by expanding their support systems and adopting more flexible human resource practices, Ms Shin said.
“One approach is offering flexible leave for emotional distress, which would allow employees to take time off without the need to justify their absence with a specific reason like the death of a loved one. This could include mental health days or personal days to help employees recharge,” she added.
And as individuals who are supporting others, we need to also know our personal capacities and limits.
Ms Ching of Talk Your Heart Out said: “We have to be cautious and not try to be the saviour.
“We have to assess our own capacity and know if we truly have the bandwidth to support the other person. Pointing the person to professional help, for example, is already showing support to the person.”
Ultimately, grief and emotional distress are natural human responses to loss, the experts said, adding that it is important to respect the different paces at which people process their emotions.
Ms Ching said: “Attempts to cut short the grieving process, either by burying it under other distractions like work and responsibilities and not addressing the pain of losing something dear to us, or even compartmentalising grief in our lives, will inevitably affect our mental well-being, our relationship and interaction with others, and in short, our whole life, in the end.
“Allowing oneself to grieve is the beginning of healing.”
