DISTANCE LEADS TO INFIDELITY
In truth, adultery is rarely a hasty act.
Experts said that it often starts from a gradual breakdown in a couple’s relationship after trust and emotional closeness are weakened.
Associate counsellor Beverly Foo from The Lighthouse Counselling, which provides couples’ therapy and marriage counselling among other services, said that Singapore couples often juggle high-pressure careers and childcare responsibilities.
With so many demands on their time and energy, couple time is usually the first thing sacrificed. As intimacy wanes, the relationship can then start to feel like a source of stress instead of support.
“As that distance grows, one or both partners may begin to invest less in the relationship,” Ms Foo added. “Resentment builds, appreciation fades and attention shifts to what is lacking rather than what is present.”
As one or both parties begin to feel more emotionally neglected or vulnerable, boundaries with other people may start to blur. A connection with someone outside the relationship can feel rewarding. Over time, the person may permit themselves to cross a line.
Relationship coach Winifred Ling from mental health clinic Promises Healthcare said that often, the workplace is the most convenient and accessible environment for this to happen.
“Initially, (casual) encounters might seem harmless but once a boundary is crossed, it becomes easier to deceive and lie,” she added.
Ms Tammy Fontana, relationship counsellor at All in the Family Counselling Centre, stressed that infidelity is not always about an individual’s moral failings and can often be a symptom of underlying issues within the relationship.
It can also stem from a lack of emotional development and maturity, or mental health challenges such as depression, unresolved trauma or addiction issues.
Additionally, the experts said that societal stigma often discourages couples from speaking openly about infidelity, a topic that’s still widely considered to be taboo or shameful.
This certainly rings true for Mr and Mrs Tan, who have not disclosed their difficulties to anyone outside of their immediate families and the reason why they did not want to be identified for this interview.
Couples therapist Lieu An An from therapy provider The Psychology Atelier said that Singapore’s strong emphasis on family stability and social image could play a part in pressuring couples to “keep things together” even after such a betrayal.
Relationship coach Winny Lu Aldridge from Just2Hearts Counselling said that cultural beliefs and values can also make many couples reluctant to “air dirty laundry in public”, leading them to struggle in isolation. This may also mean that they do not receive the support and guidance they need, which can in turn worsen the emotional damage.
