After getting married, my husband and I made it second nature to talk about our personal shopping before splurging on anything.
It wasn’t always like this. We barely discussed our salaries while dating, merely dropping vague hints here and there.
However, we came to realise that open conversations about money matter because we’re in it for the long run.
If we disagree on a potential purchase, we would either hold off or find a compromise such as looking for alternatives to the item at a lower price elsewhere.
That being said, both of us have faltered and gone ahead in excitement to buy items without letting the other know first. For me, they would be cute stationery and keyboards. For him, Pokemon cards.
Thankfully, these delayed disclosures do not end up causing friction, since they are usually smaller purchases that we know will not lead to financial ruin.
For some couples, though, these undisclosed purchases or financial issues have had more serious consequences.
My colleague related a story about a friend who secretly bought a high-end bicycle worth a few thousand dollars and hid it at a stairwell of a public housing block for two years before his wife found out about it.
The couple were in a difficult financial place because he was between jobs.
The secret was finally exposed by a well-meaning neighbour who casually mentioned to the wife that they shouldn’t leave their bike there, in case someone stole it.
Confused, she told the neighbour that the bicycle wasn’t theirs. In response, the neighbour said that he had seen her husband using it, which left the wife furious.
It isn’t just undisclosed purchases that can strain relationships.
Last year, a friend confided in me that she was having doubts about marrying her fiance after he revealed to her that he still had huge debts from a failed business, which he had accumulated before they started dating.
They eventually worked this out and got married.
From these two experiences I’ve heard, it seems that financial transparency in relationships can be a double-edged sword.
If you’re upfront about your finances, your partner might react negatively and even reconsider the relationship.
If you keep it a secret, the fallout from being discovered later could be just as damaging.
