As foster parents, Mr Soon and Ms Ong try to build trust, provide a safe home and hold space for their children’s big, overwhelming emotions.
“It’s journeying with them. You will experience a lot of moments like maybe a tantrum thrown at you, or maybe you feel super unappreciated,” she said.
When Benjamin was angry, he would shout at them to go away, but when they went away, he would shout at them to come back, Mr Soon said.
He would also sometimes tell them that he did not want to be with them and that he wanted to go home.
“You need to realise they are going through a lot. They are transitioning to us and they are also grieving the loss of their natural home and family.”
Once, after Benjamin spent the weekend with his birth family, Mr Soon and Ms Ong went to pick him up from the MRT station.
“He was screaming at the top of his voice ‘I don’t want you, I don’t want you’,” Mr Soon recounted.
“We had to work through it, and eventually he felt more comfortable and opened up to us more, and he was more calm.”
Benjamin gradually learnt to manage his anger and communicate with his foster parents.
“Those are the fruits. You slowly see them building trust with you again, and that’s beautiful,” said Ms Ong.
“Those were points of breakthrough (and) we saw how it was worth it.”
CREATING A SAFE SPACE
Looking back, Mr Soon realised he didn’t know what he would be getting himself into when he started to consider fostering 10 years ago after hearing about it in church.
“You just feel like this is a very nice picture – a family, foster child, adoptive child. It was just ideas and concepts,” he said.
“Eventually we welcomed the children to our family, and there are times when things are difficult.”
