A friend of mine used to be very prompt when texting messages, with replies coming back to me as fast as my questions and my random musings even receiving an emoji reaction within split seconds.
Then, more recently, there was a significant lag in those replies, with my messages going unread for days, making me wonder if she was ghosting me.
Much to my relief, she told me later that it was nothing personal and that she has more than 300 unread texts across different messaging platforms.
There wasn’t a particular incident that had set her life in disarray and caused this pile up of unread texts, it was “just life”, she said.
She thought that avoiding looking at the messages and thinking of how to reply them would give her some breathing room, but as those unread texts piled up, she found herself feeling more stressed and this in turn made it even harder for her to tackle the backlog.
Another friend of mine delays paying his monthly credit card bills until the last moment, right before he is levied with a late charge.
He said that it was not a matter of an item on his to-do list slipping his mind or not having enough money to pay, but more that he would rather not face this unpleasant but necessary errand till the eleventh hour.
I, too, have my fair share of uncomfortable tasks and situations that I’d rather avoid.
In the context of work, for instance, I happily and quickly hop on a call with a transportation expert or housing analyst as soon as a story brief is handed to me.
But ask me to conduct street interviews with strangers or cold-call the family members of a deceased for an interview? You’ll suddenly see me going through my notes and list of questions a couple of times more than usual, just so I can avoid the task by another minute or two.
Based on my encounters with friends and after reflecting on my own behaviour, avoidance seems quite a commonplace practice.
Should we cut ourselves some slack and not feel that we need to complete or respond to everything promptly or is this a sign of something more worrying?
LIMITED TANK TO DEAL WITH LIFE
Mental health experts said that most of the time, avoiding taking action in certain tasks is simply due to a lack of motivation or interest towards the task, like in the case of my friend with his credit card bill.
They added that dealing with issues no matter how big or small requires energy and takes on a certain mental load.
Ms Tiffany Ng, an associate counsellor from psychological consultancy firm Mind What Matters, said that everyone has a limited “tank” or capacity to deal with life’s situations and tasks at any given point of time.
“When it is low, the amount of effort required to complete certain tasks can feel more overwhelming than when we have a fuller tank. Avoiding would seem like an easier, less effortful option.”
