For Peng, money is not just a symbol of security, power, identity, and the ego – it is also about a person’s mindset and how her partner can show up effectively in their relationship. It may look like she is fixated on “who is earning more” but in reality, she is looking for a person who can support her goals and wellbeing.
ARE HIGH-EARNING WOMEN PERCEIVED AS “TOO MUCH”?
In Singapore, hypergamy (marrying up) is still very much a social expectation. However, rather than seeing high-earning women as “picky”, we should understand that they are likely being “self-protective”.
“Some women may internalise the notion that their success restricts their ‘romantic eligibility’ and when they are with a man who is less successful, the man’s insecurity will negatively impact the relationship,” said Tay.
The reality may not be as harsh as these women think. Hayley Quinn, a dating coach whose TedX talk Searching for Love to Escape Ourselves attracted over 3 million viewers, writes on her website that it’s not that men don’t like successful women, but they just don’t have it high on their priority list.
And, believing that men are intimidated by a woman’s success disempowers women in the dating field.
She writes that while many men may not have much money in the bank, they also don’t discriminate against successful women. “The right relationship gives you the support and stability you need to reach your goals,” she said.
It doesn’t matter if you perceive money to be the dealmaker/breaker. What matters at the end of the day is going into every relationship with authenticity and that your partner shares, not breaks, your vision of life.
“Success is not the punishment. How men, women and society react to it, that’s the punishment,” said Tay.
